Solving the mystery: Why do people still feel the urge to go back to their exes even after being hurt?
Have you ever… almost died giving up, but as time passed, some feelings started to come back. Just seeing old photos or hearing songs we used to listen to together, your heart starts to tremble, and suddenly a question pops up in your head, “Should we go back?”
Even though we know that we have been hurt, even though we have intended to say “enough”, why do we still feel like going back to our exes all the time? The answer is not just a matter of the heart, but it comes from psychology, memories, and fear of the unknown. Let’s find the answer together!
Solving the mystery: Why do people still feel the urge to go back to their exes even after being hurt?
Good memories fool us
One of the main reasons why we miss our exes is because of the “memories” of the happy times we spent together. Our brains tend to remember the good times more than the bad times. As time goes by, we may forget what caused the breakup and choose to remember only the good things, thinking that “if we try again, everything might be better.”
Familiarity = Safety
Humans are creatures that dislike uncertainty. We tend to feel safe with what we are familiar with, and our exes are one of them because we used to know them well, know what they like, what they hate, and how we should act when we are together. This is different from starting over with someone else when we do not know what the future holds.
Psychotherapist Tom Bruett once said, “The devil you know may be less scary than the devil you don’t.” Even if a relationship has had problems in the สนใจสมัคร? คลิกที่นี่เพื่อเริ่มต้น past, because we know what they were, we feel more in control than having to risk starting over with someone new.
We fear being alone more than losing him.
Loneliness is another factor that many people choose to go back to their exes. Research from the University of Utah and the University of Toronto found that 49% of people who break up are still not sure if they made the right decision. And 66% of people who get back with their exes do it because they are afraid of loneliness more than the love that remains.
“Many people go back to their exes not because they’re still in love. But because they’re afraid of loneliness,” says clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow. “If we’re not prepared enough to handle being alone, or if we don’t have someone new to fill that void. We can fool ourselves into thinking that “they’ve changed,” and that we should get back together.”
Before you go back to him, ask yourself carefully.
Before we send a message saying, “How are you? Are you okay?”, I’d like you to ask yourself first…
- What made us break up in the first place? – Can the problems ever be solved, or will they just keep repeating themselves?
- Has he really changed or are we just fooling ourselves? – Giving someone a second chance requires a change from both sides, not just one party trying.
- Do we go back because of love or just loneliness? – If no one comes along, would we still want to go back to them?
Going back to your ex may not be wrong if both of you have learned from the past and are ready to adjust to each other. But if it’s just a temporary feeling from loneliness and fear, it may be time for us to let go of the past and give ourselves a chance to find a new love that is better than before.